Tuesday, March 18, 2008

he is gonna melt into my arms.

i watch the bachelor. why? well... sentimental value, i suppose. the first time eli and i moved away was rough. the first night were were there eli was busy at school and i was stuck by myself in a cave of a townhouse with nothing but boxes and the smell of bunny pee (thanks previous dirtball tenants) to keep me company. i found a spoon and a jello pudding and plugged in the TV and sat on a box. who got me through my first night? the smell of wet cardboard and the bachelor, that's who.

i'll save you the essay i have prepared on the bachelor (i love/hate it). NO ONE on there ever reminds me of myself or anyone i know (who ARE these women?). the closest anyone ever comes are the ones that are pharmaceutical or medical sales reps, since so many science undergrads turn to the gleam of science sales to ease their broken science hearts. you get a car and you wear heels to work, all while using your blood-earned science degree. not that i ever considered it *cough* because i'm a real girl-scientist.

anyway, THIS year there is a grad student on the roster. a real, actual grad student (or so the text beneath her name tells me on the screen). but sadly, again, aside from the too-drunk-at-the-party aspect, we have very, very little in common. see for yourself:

Dear Stacey from The Bachelor,

From one school girl to another:

Thing to know # 1. Your undergraduate degree in nutrition does NOT qualify you to "find a pharmaceutical that will cure something that no one has thought of." you have to go into pharmacology to do that. trust me, i actually know.
Thing to know # 2. The bachelor NEVER keeps the promiscuous chick longer than 2 weeks. It's a failed strategy on the show as well as in real life...

Good luck with your future endeavors!


1 comment:

alicia said...

seriously duder, why doesn't anyone understand our love?


that's right, i'm pimping my blog on yours now.