Tuesday, June 24, 2008

warning, i am insanely angry/distrubed...


To the parents of the 6pm class children at The Little Gym,

1. Um, shut the hell UP, please. Your incessant talking at an above 'inside voice' level in the hopes that we'll listen to your inane bullshit and perhaps jump-in is making me want to toss a chair at you. You're not interesting, you're irritating. I just want to watch my son have fun, not learn about your son's poo consistency.

2. Someone should say this to you and I'm going to take one for the team: You are raising CRIMINALS. WHY do you make excuses when your sons are pulling the teacher's hair and sticking their faces in her crotch and breastal region or smacking her across the face with the mooshy ball. Why do you LAUGH? 'Boys will be boys', really? You're making me die. Good lord, parents... do you realize in 10 years you'll be making excuses for why they stole a car hopped up on meth and raped a girl? Seriously, control them while they are 3' tall. Seriously.

3. I didn't want to go here, but, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? I know you've given up on sex, that's infinitely apparent by how you and your cell-phone addicted husband are interacting, but you really don't care that you are wearing a big sign that says "don't pay attention to me" on your chest? Holy crap, I hope to never, EVER see someone wearing head-to-toe red gingham and knit with "i just can't wear those heels anymore because I'm on the go with my boys, but these are kinda neat with the velcro, don't you think?" shoes again.

4. Sweetheart, your children are not going to the olympics. Neither is mine, NONE of them are. It's for FUN, and if you discuss any of your childrens' actions using gymnastic jargon again, I'm calling Bela Karolyi and telling. If you want your child to be an olympic gymnast, you might want to enrol in private classes with a trainer and quit your job. But if you're going to be in the 6pm class at The Little Gym... CHILL.

5. Don't you think it's slightly disturbing, if not outright dangerous that a 4 year-old is running your show? They aren't capable of rational thinking, let alone knowing right vs. wrong and yet, they are in charge? WOAH.

Maybe I'm experiencing the rage that comes only to those trying to finish up experiments and write a thesis before September. Maybe that's why I had to bitch and complain to my husband for over an hour about how awful you were. And sure, I had a fit earlier today when I was using the tape dispenser worthy of arrest by the police... but I still feel at least SOME of my anger/frustration towards you is warranted. People, I'm telling you this out of love, SAVE YOURSELVES, get control of those children and be the boss, because I know you're living in a hell of your own making.

Sincerely,
moi.

9 comments:

Moriah said...

Hi, I'm a fellow etsier, and I just wanted to say that I work with kids (pediatric eye doc) and your rant totally works for a huge amount of my patients/parents! Hang in there!
beadyeyelass

Grace said...

HAH! Thanks for the laugh! Great post, great blog! I'll be back!

J-Mi said...

i really hope it's okay that you seriously made me laugh out loud. i think similiar things at my job when i watch parents allow their children to throw fits (i work retail).

RandomNotions said...

1st of all amen sister! i have worked too many customer service jobs to not totally understand... 2ndly you rock and that is why i love you

alicia said...

it's posts like this that remind me of why i love you so much.

Gigababy said...

Why do you LAUGH? 'Boys will be boys', really? You're making me die. Good lord, parents... do you realize in 10 years you'll be making excuses for why they stole a car hopped up on meth and raped a girl? Seriously, control them while they are 3' tall. Seriously.

Or, they grow up to plow a car into a guardrail at 220...

Jan said...

AMEN!


www.jannysplace.blogspot.com

AmieJ Designs said...

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I use to work in a daycare and wish I could have said these things to a lot of the parents.

punchanella said...

wow, i really thought people were going to hate me for this blog entry.

thanks for seeing it my way!! :D